Gregg Vanourek wrote an article titled The Mental Prisons We Build for Ourselves (21 July 2021).
« Though we like to think of ourselves as free, many of us are confined to a mental prison we’ve built for ourselves. Our most vicious jailer is our unhealthy “self-talk” — our inner critic that savagely sabotages us with haunting doubts and harsh judgments. We’re our own worst enemy. »
« Our mental prisons are fear factories. »
« Sometimes our mental prison is the need we feel, often flowing from childhood, to gain approval and be liked or admired, or it’s the prison of the expectations of others (or, more accurately, what we presume those expectations to be, often wrongly). »
« Here’s the thing: We think we’re struggling with the outer game but it’s actually the inner game that’s tripping us up. »
« “Learned helplessness”: a well documented phenomenon in which we give up after a number of futile attempts at something, eventually surrendering our agency even when there may be potential solutions and overlooking opportunities for change. »
« Enter Carol Dweck and her pathbreaking research on mindsets. Dweck is a professor at Stanford University who studies motivation, personality, and development. She distinguishes between two mindsets:
- Fixed mindset: Belief that intelligence, abilities, and talents are fixed.
People with a fixed mindset tend to:
- Want to look smart
- Avoid challenges
- Ignore useful negative feedback
- Feel threatened by the success of others
- Plateau early and achieve less than their full potential
- Growth Mindset: Belief that intelligence, abilities, and talents can be developed.
People with a growth mindset tend to:
- Want to learn
- Embrace challenges
- Learn from criticism
- Find lessons and inspiration in the success of others
- Reach ever-higher levels of achievement »
« Our mindset is especially evident in our reaction to failure:
- Do we dread the prospect of failure because we view it as an embarrassing reflection on our competencies?
- Or are we open to the prospect of failure because we view it as a sign that we’re stretching ourselves in new areas? »
« We also want to start noticing our thoughts more—observing the strange things that pop into our heads and spotting the negative patterns that reappear. It helps to label them (e.g., “My ‘controller’ is making me feel anxious, or “I’m being overly judgmental again”). »
« Tools for You
- Traps Test (Common Traps of Living) to help you identify what’s getting in the way of your happiness and quality of life
- Quality of Life Assessment to help you discover your strongest areas and the areas that need work and then act accordingly
- Personal Values Exercise to help you clarify what’s most important to you »
Related Reading:
- Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking is the Beginning and End of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen (2022)
- The Art of Communicating: A Study of Mindful Communication in Buddhist Practice by Thich Nhat Hanh (2014)
- Mindfulness, 25th anniversary edition by Ellen J. Langer (2014)
- Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential by Shirzad Chamine (2012)
- Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck (2007)
- The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (2004)
- On Leadership by John W. Gardner (1993)
Gregg Vanourek is the co-author of three books:
- Triple Crown Leadership: Building Excellent, Ethical, and Enduring Organizations (2012)
- Life Entrepreneurs: Ordinary People Creating Extraordinary Lives (2008)
- Charter Schools in Action: Renewing Public Education (2000)
Articles of Interest 